


Suicide

by iloveitblue



Series: Prompts [43]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Clint attempts suicide, M/M, set right after BoNY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-17
Updated: 2014-06-17
Packaged: 2018-02-05 01:39:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1800751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iloveitblue/pseuds/iloveitblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Clint attempts suicide</p>
            </blockquote>





	Suicide

**Author's Note:**

> This is the storm.

After the Battle of New York, nothing has been the same. Clint has moved out of SHIELD HQ, and now lives at Stark’s Tower. He’d never admit it, but he’s thankful for the escape Tony has offered. SHIELD was no longer his home. Not without Coulson.

Natasha had pulled him aside that day after they had shawarmas. Clint felt beat up and tired that even the pavement looked good enough to sleep on. Natasha’s voice was a soft lull, quiet and firm all at once. Clint shook his head as he tried to swallow the words that refused to leave his throat, no. It can’t be true. Natasha is lying. She must be. She’s good at lying. This is Natasha’s payback. She was lying to him, to get him back for all the wrongs he’s done.

Natasha wasn’t lying.

Clint could see it in her eyes. She was tired, and she was grieving. Clint wanted to throw up. Oh god. This is his fault. All of it. Natasha’s words from the Helicarrier drifted in his mind.  _This isn’t your fault. This is Loki. This is magic, and monsters. Nothing we were ever trained for._

Clint knew the truth, and the truth of the matter is that he’s responsible.

He escaped from Natasha and ran. He didn’t care where he went, he just didn’t want to be here. He ran without looking back, without even looking where he’s heading. He stopped running only when he fell face first into the puddle of dirty street water in an alley, somewhere.

He sat back up and hugged his knees, cradling his head in between. Slowly, the voices started coming back. The voices he’s locked away years ago. Back when he first met the man that would soon become his everything. Clint had kept the voices at bay all these years, only because he knew that  _he_  was beside him, keeping Clint grounded, telling Clint that what he’s doing is saving lives. 

The voices grew louder and louder. Screams of pain, begging for mercy, crying for help, wailing for the people they’ve lost. Clint wanted to do all of them.

There was no stopping the voices. No matter how much Clint tried, he couldn’t shake them off, couldn’t lock them away. Not when he’s hurting so much. 

Clint knew there was only one way to shut up the voices.

He took out his gun cocked it. He raised the gun to his temple pressing it firmly. He pulled the hammer back. All he needed to do now was pull the trigger. Maybe if he pulled the trigger the voices can rest. Maybe if he pulls the trigger, the world can forgive him for every wrong he did.

Maybe if he pulled the trigger he can see him again.

Clint’s grip on the weapon tightened. Until finally-

_BANG._

The sound of the gun shot echoed through the whole alley, the barrel of the gun smoking. 

Clint lowered his arm from firing at the sky. None of it would make a difference. Dying now would only satisfy the demons in him. The voices wouldn’t stop no matter where he went. The voices would follow him even if he dove deep to the pits of hell. The world wouldn’t forgive him, not when he hasn’t even asked for forgiveness. 

And he certainly wouldn’t see Phil Coulson again. 

"Clint…" Clint didn’t move at the sound of Natasha’s pants. Clint could hear it. The sound of everybody’s footsteps. They were all here. Natasha knelt down in front of him and took the gun away, throwing it to the side. She placed a hand on his arm, and that was all it took. Clint surged forward and hugged  Natasha. He buried his head in her shoulders and sobbed like a child. Like he’d lost someone he’d thought would never leave. Natasha held him quietly, and Clint could have sworn that she was crying too. 

"He’s gone, Tasha." Clint says in the silence of the alley. "Phil’s gone."

**Author's Note:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/89062336366/im-going-to-make-my-own-iphone-case-and-its)


End file.
